No Matter What by Debi Gliori
The Toy Blog crew were in Edinburgh over the May bank holiday weekend. For in flight entertainment on the journey home, we decided to take advantage of a three for two children’s book offer in Borders bookshop. This was despite appeals from no. 2 to buy an “In the Night Garden” board book. No way I was buying that. It might appeal to kids but it just can’t be right exposing them to that level of nonsense!
Anyway, one of the three children’s books I chose, somewhat randomly I must add, was a book called “No Matter What” by Debi Gliori. Small is feeling a bit blue and wonders if anyone loves him at all. He’s angry and sad and a bit confused. He wonders how it all works and if his mum loves him. It’s a beautiful story of human vulnerability and the basic need to be loved. Large, Small’s mum, reassures him that she loves him “no matter what”.
Brave Themes
No thanks - not in my house!
What I really like about this book is that it raises two themes that are very important to children but that can be difficult to deal with as parents. The first of these is anger. Small is feeling “grim and dark”. He throws things around the room. He wonders if anyone loves him. It can be confusing and scary for children when they experience anger. It’s important that children know that it’s natural to be angry and that it’s ok. They need to be free to express their emotions and it’s important that, as parents, we provide an environment where our children know they can talk about these things and they are listened to and taken seriously.
Sometimes, irrational fears in children can be a result of repressed anger. The way this can play out is that a child is angry for some reason, say, at a parent for not letting them watch TV, or whatever. This feeling of anger can scare them and they can feel guilty about it. Sometimes, the child can transfer this anger onto something else, dogs for example. So it is the angry dog they are scared of. This is easier for the child to deal with than facing up to their own anger. So, it’s important children realise anger is a normal emotion and that we help them to work through their feelings. So, it’s good for them to see characters in books experience normal emotions that they feel too.
The second important theme is fear of separation and death. Towards the end of the book, small wonders if love can “wear out” or break. He also wonders if, when they’re “dead and gone”, will his mum still love him then? I was very surprised and rather unprepared when my elder daughter, at around 4 years old, worried about what would happen when she died. Apparently this fear is common in young children but it’s not fear of death itself that worries the little creatures, all they know about death is that it means separation from their parents and it is this that scares them. This fear is brought out very gently in this book and Large comforts small with the reassuring image of the stars in the night sky, comparing their consistency with her love.
Conclusion
We have two daughters aged 2.5 and 6 years. Both of them love this book and fight over it at bedtime! It comes with a CD and our older girl loves popping it in the CD player and reading along with it. I think there are two things that really appeal to children in this story. The vulnerability of Small, his need for reassurance that he’s loved no matter what and even when he’s angry or when he’s been bad. The other appealing thing is the reassurance from Large that he is loved “no matter what”. The series of “even if… would you love me then?” scenarious provide warm comfort that a parent’s love is unshakeable. A really lovely book that is honest and warm and that your child will identify with.
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Jody Reviews Anger, Book Review, Debi Gliori, No Matter What, review
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